November 11th, 2009
K A Jefferson asked:
Sometimes it may feel like you’ve tried everything you can think of to save your marriage on your own and your ready to go into a marriage counselors office and tell them “Please help me save my marriage”. You need advice from someone other than yourself and the thoughts going through your own head because at the moment the emotions are just taking over and you can’t think straight. I know, I have been there unfortunately.
You probably have some friends who made it through their marriage problems and managed to prevent divorce, you can ask them how they did it. See what steps they took, how did they work through their issues? They may not have the same problems as you, but some may. In my case, when I finally started talking to friends, I found that 2 out of 4 had the same exact issues as me. Don’t just think about people your own age either. Older couples have alot of advice on working through marriage troubles.
Even when they seem to have a perfect relationship now, you might be surprised to hear what they’ve gone through. Of course, the problem with asking friends for advice is they can only tell you what worked for them and unfortunately that may not always work for you. But it can give you some ideas.
The Internet is also a good place to find information on just about everything and marriage problems are no exception. You can ask questions anonymously and get a variety of opinions from people who have been through what you are going though and there are some well known and very helpful marriage forums online. You can also just read posts similar to your own situation and see the advice given and what others have gone through. I did this myself in a couple of well know forums and privately emailed a lady in my situation and she and I have become the greatest of online friends, helping each other through lifes ups and downs over the last couple of years, not only with our marriages, but with children, and any other bumps along the way. So while you are perhaps feeling miserable and don’t know where to turn, there are others out there who are going through the same thing and are willing to help online.
Then there is marriage counseling. A professional marriage counselor has training in helping couples resolve their conflicts and many years of experience working with different types of couples and problems. They have seen and heard it all.
Of course a lot of times only one person wants to go. (as was the case with me) Usually, the partner who doesn’t want to go believes the marriage is already doomed and he or she pretty much believes counseling is a waste of time. If you’re spouse feels that way, don’t give up just yet and don’t pressure or beg.
Counseling can help,sometimes, but it’s not a cure-all. And sometimes, sadly, it does not work at all. Did you know the average marriage councilors success rate is only around 30%? In some ways that makes it seem like its hardly worth shouting “Help me save my marriage!” at the counselor. But it is.
Counseling is definitely worth it if you can afford to go, if your insurance covers it and if your spouse will go.
What about Self Help Books?
While searching online for help, you’ve probably seen a lot of self help ebooks that give guidance for working through a rough patch in a marriage even when one partner is ready to call it quits, is cheating, has already left, and in some cases has even filed for divorce. They may not seem like it, but in reality, the best of these can be surprisingly effective.
Most of these plans were developed by highly experienced marriage counselors who found a “formula” for what works, so they usually have a success rate higher than that of most marriage counselors.
Sometimes it may feel like you’ve tried everything you can think of to save your marriage on your own and your ready to go into a marriage counselors office and tell them “Please help me save my marriage”. You need advice from someone other than yourself and the thoughts going through your own head because at the moment the emotions are just taking over and you can’t think straight. I know, I have been there unfortunately.
You probably have some friends who made it through their marriage problems and managed to prevent divorce, you can ask them how they did it. See what steps they took, how did they work through their issues? They may not have the same problems as you, but some may. In my case, when I finally started talking to friends, I found that 2 out of 4 had the same exact issues as me. Don’t just think about people your own age either. Older couples have alot of advice on working through marriage troubles.
Even when they seem to have a perfect relationship now, you might be surprised to hear what they’ve gone through. Of course, the problem with asking friends for advice is they can only tell you what worked for them and unfortunately that may not always work for you. But it can give you some ideas.
The Internet is also a good place to find information on just about everything and marriage problems are no exception. You can ask questions anonymously and get a variety of opinions from people who have been through what you are going though and there are some well known and very helpful marriage forums online. You can also just read posts similar to your own situation and see the advice given and what others have gone through. I did this myself in a couple of well know forums and privately emailed a lady in my situation and she and I have become the greatest of online friends, helping each other through lifes ups and downs over the last couple of years, not only with our marriages, but with children, and any other bumps along the way. So while you are perhaps feeling miserable and don’t know where to turn, there are others out there who are going through the same thing and are willing to help online.
Then there is marriage counseling. A professional marriage counselor has training in helping couples resolve their conflicts and many years of experience working with different types of couples and problems. They have seen and heard it all.
Of course a lot of times only one person wants to go. (as was the case with me) Usually, the partner who doesn’t want to go believes the marriage is already doomed and he or she pretty much believes counseling is a waste of time. If you’re spouse feels that way, don’t give up just yet and don’t pressure or beg.
Counseling can help,sometimes, but it’s not a cure-all. And sometimes, sadly, it does not work at all. Did you know the average marriage councilors success rate is only around 30%? In some ways that makes it seem like its hardly worth shouting “Help me save my marriage!” at the counselor. But it is.
Counseling is definitely worth it if you can afford to go, if your insurance covers it and if your spouse will go.
What about Self Help Books?
While searching online for help, you’ve probably seen a lot of self help ebooks that give guidance for working through a rough patch in a marriage even when one partner is ready to call it quits, is cheating, has already left, and in some cases has even filed for divorce. They may not seem like it, but in reality, the best of these can be surprisingly effective.
Most of these plans were developed by highly experienced marriage counselors who found a “formula” for what works, so they usually have a success rate higher than that of most marriage counselors.
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