September 7th, 2009
Diane Gray
asked:
Marriage is a very serious institution. Nobody should enter into it lightly, or end it lightly. It’s one of the most important commitments in couples’ lives. Once your vow is spoken you should be willing to work hard at it to keep it healthy and strong. If your marriage is in trouble, you are probably asking: Can my marriage be saved? Read and learn some tips here that might just start you on your way to saving your marriage.
Your first priority is to ask yourself some tough questions. At the top of the list is, Do your really want to save your marriage? This may sound like an obvious and rather dumb question, but many folks will stay in a bad marriage for the simple reason that they think they should. If you really feel that you should stay in a bad relationship, subconsciously you will be sabotaging it. If your heart tells you that you don’t want to be in your marriage, you can never really have a good, healthy one.
After you’ve searched your heart and soul for your true feelings about the marriage, and you’ve decided that you want to stay married to your spouse, the next thing to ask yourself is ‘What is wrong with my marriage, and what did I do to contribute to the breakdown’? This is a hard question since it is much easier to see your partner’s damaging behavior than your own.
The reality in the vast majority of marriages is that both partners play a part in the marriage’s breakdown. It may not be a 50/50 split, it could be 90/10, but in reality both partners have contributed to the marital problems in some way. Maybe it could be just letting your spouse walk all over you constantly on an issue because you didn’t stand up for yourself. Then, all of a sudden one day you wake up and discover you’re fed up. Your spouse doesn’t know what happened since you’ve always acted in the same easy-going predictable way. He or she will be hurt because you’ve always said nothing in your defense.
Once you have owned up to your part of the marriage problems, you need to ask yourself, ‘Can I make the changes necessary’? Be honest with yourself. These changes will need to be real and permanent. If you can honestly answer yes, then you need to go and talk to your partner and ask them the same questions about themselves.
If your spouse tells you that yes, they are willing to try then your marriage has a chance of healing. But if they blame the demise of your marriage on you, and deny any blame in the failure of the marriage, then you will know that it is already over.
Hopefully, this bit of information will help you to repair your marriage. It is really unhealthy and stressful to be trapped in a bad marriage, but you surely don’t want to throw away a potentially good marriage before you can at least analyze it and try to make it work. After you have honestly answered these questions, take the time to have a long, amicable talk with your spouse. Maybe then you won’t ever ask the question ‘Can my marriage be saved’?
asked:
Marriage is a very serious institution. Nobody should enter into it lightly, or end it lightly. It’s one of the most important commitments in couples’ lives. Once your vow is spoken you should be willing to work hard at it to keep it healthy and strong. If your marriage is in trouble, you are probably asking: Can my marriage be saved? Read and learn some tips here that might just start you on your way to saving your marriage.
Your first priority is to ask yourself some tough questions. At the top of the list is, Do your really want to save your marriage? This may sound like an obvious and rather dumb question, but many folks will stay in a bad marriage for the simple reason that they think they should. If you really feel that you should stay in a bad relationship, subconsciously you will be sabotaging it. If your heart tells you that you don’t want to be in your marriage, you can never really have a good, healthy one.
After you’ve searched your heart and soul for your true feelings about the marriage, and you’ve decided that you want to stay married to your spouse, the next thing to ask yourself is ‘What is wrong with my marriage, and what did I do to contribute to the breakdown’? This is a hard question since it is much easier to see your partner’s damaging behavior than your own.
The reality in the vast majority of marriages is that both partners play a part in the marriage’s breakdown. It may not be a 50/50 split, it could be 90/10, but in reality both partners have contributed to the marital problems in some way. Maybe it could be just letting your spouse walk all over you constantly on an issue because you didn’t stand up for yourself. Then, all of a sudden one day you wake up and discover you’re fed up. Your spouse doesn’t know what happened since you’ve always acted in the same easy-going predictable way. He or she will be hurt because you’ve always said nothing in your defense.
Once you have owned up to your part of the marriage problems, you need to ask yourself, ‘Can I make the changes necessary’? Be honest with yourself. These changes will need to be real and permanent. If you can honestly answer yes, then you need to go and talk to your partner and ask them the same questions about themselves.
If your spouse tells you that yes, they are willing to try then your marriage has a chance of healing. But if they blame the demise of your marriage on you, and deny any blame in the failure of the marriage, then you will know that it is already over.
Hopefully, this bit of information will help you to repair your marriage. It is really unhealthy and stressful to be trapped in a bad marriage, but you surely don’t want to throw away a potentially good marriage before you can at least analyze it and try to make it work. After you have honestly answered these questions, take the time to have a long, amicable talk with your spouse. Maybe then you won’t ever ask the question ‘Can my marriage be saved’?
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