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There are stages along the way to the act of infidelity by a spouse. This article is directed to the husband because so often husbands miss critical signs that could make the act to save my marriage before infidelity happens so much easier. If your wife is in the lead-up stages there are things you can still do to turn your marriage around. This article can show you ways to “save my marriage before infidelity happens”.
Because we men don’t tend to pick up on things until well into the process, there will be a need to get serious about changing the landscape quickly. While you need to very seriously start looking for signs that your mate is unhappy you need to keep in mind that the signs MAY indicate your spouse’s dissatisfaction they may also be symptoms of something else. So don’t be too quick to condemn.
You have a tough job ahead to pick up on the signs that your wife is getting disenchanted with the marriage. If your mate is already cheating on you the chance of being able to “fix my marriage” is not likely very good. With this in mind it this article is going to deal with the earlier stages; the more fixable stages. It is important that, in your mind you are saying “I do want to save my marriage before infidelity happens!”, then you need sharpen your senses and your observational skills. The sooner you get to work on saving your marriage the more likely you will be able to affect change.

Some of the earlier signs to look for:
“ Your wife seems bored. She may be bored with her job, the kids, you, her life in general.
“ You may see signs of her being lazy, especially with respect to house work.
“ She may be showing signs low self esteem; not keeping herself up
“ She may be getting bored with you and bored with being intimate with you.

Remember: These are signs that MAY indicate that your spouse is starting to feel less certain about her marriage. They may have other causes so don’t jump into action yet. They could be caused by some illness, not the marriage itself. You will still need to be at your wife’s side, acting to help her. That, however, is for another article.

At this time the most important first step is,”Dear, can we talk.”
Scenario #1: If she is ready to talk then you need to be very ready to listen, and listen with sincerity. This means that the TV is off and you are sitting facing her with your ego stuck securely away where it cannot interfere. You need to make all effort to listen to the things that are bothering your spouse; to not get angry and to not make excuses but simply to listen, get clarification where needed and listen. This first step of listening could be concluded with, “Thank you. I would like to digest this and then can we talk again. (Tomorrow, later today, etc.)
 You will have hopefully learned much from this first talk. It should be the first of many talks, the direction of which will depend greatly on what the causes of unhappiness are.

It is worth you knowing that in a marriage, especially if there are children, a wife’s role changes and, along with it, her personal needs take on a more front and center position. As the children get older the physical demand of nurturing changes and lessens. Now your mate’s role in the marriage is in need of change and expansion. It needs your support and encouragement and possibly you input.

Scenario #2: If your spouse is very evasive or says she is not sure, worse yet refuses to talk about it there is a good chance that she is very uncertain about her marriage to you. If, in your mind the statement is still, “I want to save my marriage before infidelity happens” then there is no time for hesitation. You need to start developing a plan on how to save your marriage.

One of the first things to do is to start, if you haven’t been, involving yourself in all of the aspects of your household. In the case of roles that, in the past, you have left to your wife you now need to approach with care.  You are coming into this as a helper, not the leader. In some (or many) cases you may be asked to step aside and let her do it on her own. Follow this request. This may be a long process and to start with your role may just be supporter. You must continue to verbalize and demonstrate that you want to help make this a team effort in the sexy things and the mundane. You should be very patient with this whole process and be continuing on in a role of helper until she starts to ask for your opinion. 

In both scenarios you need to increase the amount of physical affection. One way is through the amount of touching of her by you. This is physical but it should remain non-sexual touching. This type of touching helps to repair and/or develop an affectionate bonding between you. Touching is, in fact, a major bonding action. Touching the skin in a friendly, gentle way causes the body to release oxytocin which makes a person feel good and feel loving and friendly toward the one who is doing the touching. It is called the love or cuddle hormone and exists in all kinds of friendly human relations. This will help to build and increase the loving bond between you. I emphasize that this will help, not do the whole job. Examples of positive affectionate touching are: shoulder-caresses as you pass, hugs, kisses, back rubs/tickles, neck-rubs, arm tickles, etc. and I am sure you can come up with more.

In addition to the suggestions above, you should seriously consider spicing up your love life. While the act of making love may have to rest on the back burner for a while it certainly doesn’t hurt to increase your repertoire of skills and ideas while you are on hold. You should consider learning some new skills in love-making, new ways of demonstrating or trying some new “fun and games” activities in the bedroom. At some point you may also suggest to your mate that the two of you take part in some couple counseling. There are highly competent counselors that can be accessed online which preserves your privacy throughout the process. These are two that come highly recommended: Dr. Ellen and “Marriage Fitness” with Mort Fertel
Whatever you choose to do, do it sooner rather than later; do it with a positive attitude and love in your heart and you stand a very good chance of turning things around. This is a part of “how to save my marriage before infidelity happens.” Good luck to both of you.